What I’m about to share with you is a bit selfish as it is tied to my own experience with Emily but I have hopes that as you listen, you’ll hear a story similar to your own or recognize a familiar theme and that you will laugh or cry along with me while we share these memories. I have absolutely no doubts that there are hundreds of other Emily experiences among you all and would take great delight if you will share stories of those experiences with others and the family in the years to come.
We come into this world with certain measures of body, mind and spirit and it was no different with Emily. She had her challenges with body and health issues but this never seemed to deter her from having a fully engaged life. Moreover, she was given a fine mind to work with and, by far, had an overflowing measure of spirit. What a gentle, sweet, spirit Emily had.
She also had the good fortune of coming into this world with some extraordinary parents who, as it turned out, had just the right balance of patience, clinical psychology and coaching skills to give Emily what she needed to live a full and happy life. Adding to this, she had an older brother who could help her, play with her, tease her occasionally, and share his world with her on terms that come uniquely from a sibling. She was well cared for all of her short life. And this care was extended and magnified by others in the family, neighbors, teachers, fellow students, school staff, and those who came to know her as a friend.
When I reflect on Emily’s life, two themes stand out in my mind; participation – and I do mean fully engaged participation, and titles.
Emily always enjoyed participating – that is, becoming fully involved in the activities that surrounded her. Playing board games, lighting birthday cake candles, surfing the net, calling friends, volunteering to help others, speaking and writing foreign languages, golfing, reading books, square dancing, the study of volcanoes, pulling the cork from a wine bottle, singing in a choir, and shopping were just a few activities that Emily liked to engaged in and she did so with an equal amount of gusto for each activity. She simply did not want to miss out on anything and she rarely did.
One of the more infamous activities Emily liked to engage in was communicating with others via email. So, let me ask now; please raise your hand if you ever got an email from Emily. I can see there are but a few of you that either never have had an email address or Emily never obtained your email address. Yes, she was prolific with emails – a technology that seemed to be tailored perfectly for Emily.
One of my own favorite participation experiences with Emily came in the form of a driving lesson. Yes, a driving lesson. Keep in mind that this was well before Emily was at driving age – she was about 11 or 12 as I recall. I suppose this was near the time there was a lot of talk about Evan driving and so she wanted to check out her own driving skills. Now, I’m a bit fuzzy about what brought Emily and me together but I do recall it was while we were at her Grandmother Julie’s house and found ourselves with some spare time. Somehow, after a run to the local grocery store for some last minute party items (which Emily had to tag along and help obtain) we found ourselves in the parking lot of the old elementary school that Tom and Margaret used to attend.
Yes, Emily asked and I saw no reason why she shouldn’t experience driving. Now, I said I was kind of fuzzy about the details but I do seem to recall that Emily could not reach the gas pedal and look out the window at the same time. So, she was propped up on my briefcase in the driver’s seat of the Jeep while I straddled the console with my leg so I could work the gas and the brake pedals. Yes, I made sure I could reach the brake, quickly. It was, I suppose, a driving experience not unlike any other terrifying driving experience with a student driver. But Emily was quite careful, slow, and deliberate about what she was doing and you could see that she really felt great after having had that experience. What lasted less than 3 minutes in an empty parking lot has turned into a lifetime memory that I have always treasured. I was not sure if Tom and Carol ever knew of this driving lesson until recently but I was happy to share it with them for it was like one of Emily’s smiles – it obtains true value when given away and shared with others.
I’m still not sure why, but titles seemed to fascinate Emily. Titles, for her, were a mark of distinction and showed one belonged to some group. Now, the actual existence of a group didn’t stop Emily from joining or creating the group needed. Nor did it stop her from conferring, upon herself, a title of distinction. How often I recall her saying something like “when I was the Treasurer of the Chess Club in High School” or “I was the Network Manager for the Kent School District” – always providing a surprise for those around her.
Emily’s self appointed job titles were only one slice from her world of interest. Titles that defined relationships or placed someone within a hierarchical structure of some sort helped her define the world and gave her a context in which to understand it. Thus, when sending an email to Fr. Jack of a local church, she had to mention the “Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Seattle.” For Emily, when it came to titles, the more syllables the better.
Now, while I don’t understand why Emily had such a fascination with titles there is one place where her use of titles touched me deeply. Characteristically, it came in the form of emails from Emily which she started with “Hey Uncle!”
It would be a mistake to not mention Emily’s personal faith journey. And I think the best way for me to explain that journey to you all is to begin with a passage from Mark, Chapter 10 (13-16):
People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.” And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.
Nothing describes more clearly or perfectly Emily’s faith journey. It was as an adult when Emily accepted a life of faith and she did so with all the wonder and innocence of a child. She was baptized here, in this place, and told she was always welcome here and that God would always love her. Somehow her head and heart came to understand that the love that God had to give her was unlimited, that it bore no participation requirements and granted only one title; God’s Child. Emily would, undoubtedly, wish for more syllables in the title.
I must admit that it was a struggle for me to articulate what it was that made Emily really stand out and special to us all. At first, I thought to mention that Emily stood out because her brain was wired differently than most and that she was obsessed and compulsive about certain things. This did make her different than a lot of folks; but, after thinking about it, this didn’t really make her much different than half the senior management I’ve had to deal with in my life. After a short while, it came to me: Emily stood out and endeared herself to all of us because she was a special needs person. She recognized when those around her had a special need for a hug, an email, a lift in their own life’s journey -- and she delivered what they needed with her gentle, sweet spirit.
Ray JacobsenJune 8th, 2008